I used to be a resolution person and, like millions of others, my resolution most often centered around weight loss and physical exercise.
January 1st typically involved me getting up feeling fresh and motivated, going for a run with a deep sense of knowing that this was going to be the 1st run of 365 amazing runs. I’d eat healthy food, again with complete faith that this was going to be the year that I finally kick my bad habits, turn my back on chocolate, chips, and pastries, prove that I have the willpower and maturity to only make good decisions from here on out. I would be the envy of everyone, as they marveled at my sculpted abs and thigh gap.
Fast forward a few weeks and I’m sitting on the couch with a glass of wine and a sleeve of cookies, accepting the fact that it’s ok, this is just who I am and I am beautiful just as I am.
Sound familiar?
The problem with the New Year’s resolution is that it’s too easy to fail. There is only 1 way to succeed and if we miss that mark we label ourselves as a failure. What’s more, for most of us, this label tends to play into the critical narrative we tell ourselves over and over again – that we are useless, have no willpower, and should just give up. So, the next time we struggle to reach a goal, we are all ready to bring up examples of our being a failure, killing any possibility for motivation and positive growth.
This is how it goes for me at least.
As such, I have given up on setting New Year’s resolutions and instead set New Year’s Intentions.
So, what’s the difference?
First, I have to define what I mean by intention.
I am not referring to the kind of intention that is characterized by intending to do something, but not following through. This kind of intention is passive.
The intention I am referring to is like the intention you set at the start of a yoga class. It is a guiding principle or focus that reminds you of the reason why you are doing what you are doing. It’s like an energetic focus; a deliberate connection to something deeper than your day-to-day goals.
For example, your goal might be to lose weight. But your intention would be to approach your life from a place of self-care, or treating yourself with kindness. Or it could be to listen to your body, trust your intuition etc. All of these will aid your goal, but they are deeper than the tangible goal of lowering the number on the scale.
So, the first big difference between an intention and a resolution is the possibility of “failure”.
When you set a resolution, you either succeed or fail. Those are the only options. When you set an intention, it is about a feeling. The goal is not really about succeeding or failing. In reality, I don’t think you can ever really “succeed” at an intention, because it is not something to be achieved, but rather something to be felt. So, the goal is about continuously realigning yourself with the intention every moment that you think about it.
The 2nd big difference is that an intention can be adjusted based off what your deep, authentic, true needs are. 2020 is the best example of this. An intention set at the start of 2020, depending on what it was, may not have been able to survive the mess that unpredictably hit us. If you remain reflective and intuitive with your needs, you might have realized that a new intention was needed because the situation around you completely changed.
Now, if you had stuck with your goal of losing weight, your choices would either have been to scrap the goal altogether, or to struggle through it, amidst a very unsupportive environment, leading yourself toward an even greater chance of failing and playing into your critical narrative.
Had your intention been to practice self-care (perhaps with the hope that it would lead to a few lbs being shed), then when Covid turned our world upside down, you would have had more options – keep the intention and use it to navigate the now threatening world, or change the intention based off what you now know you need to survive. Either way, you would have served yourself and felt successful.
Now on to the big question: How do you go about setting your intention?
Step 1 is to take an honest look at the year you are leaving behind. It helps to get a journal, pen and paper, and allow your heart to open. I like to close my eyes, spend a few minutes in silence and mindfulness, and see what comes up. It might take a few days, so give yourself time.
What you are looking for is generally one of two things. First, it could be something that was missing or neglected over the course of the year. Don’t spend too much time worrying over why it was missing or neglected. There really is no need. The point is simply to notice and accept.
For example, if your year was full of professional successes, you might be feeling as though personal connection was missing. Or perhaps, again, self-care.
As you reflect on your year, remind yourself that no one else needs to know what comes up for you. This is deeply personal work and it is important to be as honest as you can. The fact that you are acknowledging where you might have fell short takes enormous strength and courage.
What words come to mind? Write them down.
What sensations can you notice? What might they represent for you?
What do you want more of in your upcoming year? What do you want less of?
The second thing that you might notice is that it is not so much about what was lacking, but rather what you are now ready to move toward.
For example, perhaps you spent the last year working really hard on self-discovery and now you feel ready to use the tools you have gained to challenge yourself more. So, your intention might be to express yourself more confidently, allow yourself to get uncomfortable, or explore what it means to be vulnerable.
Once you have spent time reflecting, perhaps journaling, and coming up with your answers to the questions above, it is time to start consolidating those acknowledgments into one or two phrase or even just one word.
Remember, this doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but you. Oftentimes it’s not really about the word or phrase itself, but the feeling that the word generates for you.
Once you find your word, or phrase, you will know it. Something will just shine.
The last step is to close your eyes and breathe in your intention. Remind yourself that the setting of this intention comes from a place of love, not criticism, and that, should you need to, you can shift course.
If there is one thing that I want you to take away from this, it is that this is supposed to lift you up in your weakest moments, not tear you down. Let your intention be a light, when all else feels dark and confusing.
Happy New Year, you beautiful, inspiring human. You’ve got this!
With joy,
Tara
