From tears to bliss. What changed?

A week or so ago, I wrote about how “my balloon popped” – roughly translated into me sobbing in the bathroom as all of my emotions erupted in a sad and personally disappointing way. I had lost my way. I had spent 2 weeks angry, impatient, sad, disconnect from my true self, deeply disappointed in my current experience of my life, and just, well, lost.

What makes it all disappointing, is I know exactly how to find my way back. Years of experience has taught me this lesson over and over again. And so, when I am in this hurting place, it is a sign of failure in a way, because I know what I need to do, but I’m just not doing it.

So what is this thing I know I need to be doing? Let me answer that by painting a picture of where I am now…

A week later, I am living in a state of deep-rooted bliss. I have spent each day feeling energized, productive, fulfilled, joyful, more patient, proud, and motivated. The difference between how I feel now compared to last week is so dramatic, I am blown away by it. Very seldom does such a big change happen so immediately. And this is a big change that happened as a result of something pretty simple.

I know, get to it, Tara. What is this amazing thing you have done?

5am!

Long have I known the importance of starting my day the very best way possible. I have seen the effects so obviously when I lose this rhythm and it is this knowledge that causes me disappointment. It is no surprise at this point that, when I lose my mornings, I lose my day.

I’ll say that again: when I lose my mornings, I lose my day.

But to get my mornings back off the ground this time around, I realized that I needed more structure. What I had noticed was that, when my alarm goes off, my brain immediately went down the road of, “this is stupid. What are you going to do with this time? It’s so random and pointless.” And so the counter to this, evidently, is to give myself a very clear answer to these harmful questions.

So I “joined” the 5am Club. I bought the book (it is a literal book), joined the Facebook group, found some amazing women who live in the same timezone as me, set up an accountability FB group for us, and immediately began getting up at 5am.

The weather in Atlanta right now is absolutely beautiful. Its not too hot and the mosquitos haven’t descended on us (yet!), so I chose to start my mornings by getting outside right away. I get up, throw on some ath-leisure, make a flask of warm water, and walk my neighborhood. I walk for about 30 minutes, then come home, unroll my mat (outside as well) and do some yoga, strength work, and meditation. That wraps up the 5 o’clock hour.

Between 6 and 7am , I study. I am currently doing my 300 hour yoga training and, with 2 small humans and my own business, I know that early mornings is my only time to study. So I spend an hour immersed in pranayama and anatomy.

I cannot tell you how amazing I feel. Well, I’ve tried, but it doesn’t seem to capture it. Do I still yell at my kids? Heck yes. Am I a perfect specimen of health and peace, no. But do I feel like a better human moving more in alignment with her goals and soul. Abso-freaking-lutely.

Existing in the world before it has the ability to exert its influence on me, has been magnificently transformative. I now start my day as just me, without having to be “me in relation to others and everything else”. This experience of myself allows for pristine clarity, truth and authenticity, and a gives me a connection to what truly matters to me, on this day.

A week ago I was crying in the bathroom, lost, angry, and full of turbulence.

Today I back to who I wish to be: a communicator of light.

With joy,

Tara