Who are you? What brings you joy? What are your true and authentic values? What do you really want to spend your time doing? What brings you fulfillment?
These questions are about you and should therefore be the simplest to answer. But they are not. In fact, they are the hardest. Our vision of ourselves is cloudy at best. Our authentic selves are covered in layers of context, subtle messaging, expectation, and obligation. After all of these layers have been loaded on top of our dreams, it becomes almost impossible to see through to the truth of what they are at their core.
You may not believe that you have a purpose, or that people in general have purposes. Perhaps you’d even go so far as to believe that people who made significant change in the world did so by excelling at meeting expectations, coupled with a fair amount of right-time-right-place.
But can you really deny that there is something you could be doing that could bring you far more joy and satisfaction than what you are currently doing?
If you are one of the lucky few who grew up knowing exactly what that thing was, then no need to keep reading, I guess. My husband is one of those few. From long before he could even pronounce the word, he knew he wanted to become a meteorologist. Fast forward a few decades and he is still living out this dream.
But if you are like me and have spent decades moving between should’s and can’s and what-if’s, then take a moment to realize that the confusion you feel is not only understandable, but almost predictable.
As a young kid, I wanted to be a toy maker. To be more specific, I wanted to make toys by hand, out of wood. No one really took me seriously because clearly, I wanted to make toys because I liked toys. Simple.
Fast forward a few years to a time where I wanted to cut hair; mainly because I liked the sound it made as the scissors sliced through the strands. The message I got from that was “that’s gross”. Although young and although a superficial reason, it stuck; my first desire to meet an expectation and be validated by those close to me was born.
Fast forward a bit more and my dream job was to be like Oprah – inspiring change via my own international talk show. Here, the messaging I got was “you live in South Africa…it’s never going to happen”. To be fair, I don’t think anyone ever really said this out loud to me, it was just something that my environment communicated somehow. As a teenager, I had already developed a cynical mindset that some things were just not possible and therefore not worth pursuing.
It is not all that important to understand where the messaging came from or why. The point is that it did and it resulted in me abandoning that dream.
I moved through a degree in psychology and philosophy where I heard messages like “all you know is psychology stuff” aka, not enough of the worthwhile stuff. And then I landed a job in a big company doing marketing (I know, how the heck did I end up there?!). Finally, I was able to say “this is what I do” and feel like I was met with respect and validation.
But here is the big problem: I hated it and I was not very good at it. So, I was meeting all the expectations that society was communicating to me; all the expectations, except for my own.
I am now 36 years old and, for the first time in my life, I believe I am finally connecting to my purpose. It has taken literally years of deliberate self-reflection and honesty to peel back the layers of messaging I have received over my life. More so, even when the purpose began to reveal itself to me, it still took a while to admit it to myself and others.
I don’t think I ever would have discovered it had I not developed practices of mindfulness and self-awareness. It is very hard to ignore or deny the truth once you are alone with it.
Sometimes it takes a big life change or struggle to push you into discovering this truth. This was my path and it is not the easy one and it is not one you can choose. However, it is effective.
For others, it comes from a place of feeling that something is missing or a belief that you deserve more. With this, you begin to look; your eyes start to open and you start to hear different messages. It is this message that has led you to read up until this point – you are on this path.
Finding your purpose is not only something that is possible, it is something that you deserve. Yes, it takes work; it requires a close look at yourself and what has been blocking your view, but what is the cost of not looking? What can you potentially lose? What can you potentially gain?
If reading this stirred something in you, spoke to you, then you are ready to do the work. I will be guiding people just like you through a 5-week workshop to discover their life purpose. This could be your first major step toward creating the life you want and deserve. I am happy to send you all the info, all you have to do is ask…
With joy,
Tara
