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My oldest child, Maya, just started Kindergarten. If you’re a parent, then you know that this is a big deal. The start of the “big school” journey is a milestone that triggers all the irrational mom-responses. It’s both exciting, overwhelming, and a glaring reminder of time passing.
Before K, Maya was in preschool, which meant a gentle, 4 hour day of school fun. Kindergarten, however, is a big jump. She insists on the riding the bus, which turns her school day into an 8 hour one. This is a significant change for a 5 year old.
I expected her to be tired. I expected her to slump on the couch in the afternoons and quickly pass out in consuming exhaustion. Instead, however, she came home full of energy, but not cute, fun energy. No, she came home kind of mean. She spent the 1st week stomping her feet, calling me names, and generally being a little pain in the…
What is going on? She’s a bold kid, but this was unusual.
Kindness is a prized value in my life so, I responded to her meanness with anger, disappointment, and reprimanding. I was not going to tolerate this unfair treatment of her friends and family.
Later on in the 1st week of school, I was chatting to other parents about the big school transition. How is your little one coping? Many responded by explaining how tired their small human was coming home. To which I replied, “not mine. She’s coming home mean”.
This is when I was enlightened. One of the moms shared with me that both of her older 2 children expressed their exhaustion exactly the same way when they were in Kindergarten. That, instead of coming home and crashing, they got a little nasty.
Lightbulb. Of course. This is how she is expressing her fatigue and this new world she’s experiencing.
As soon as I realized this, I also realized that I’d been unnecessarily hard on her. I needed to give her some grace.
Hearing the messages
I love that word. Grace. It’s so filled with light and acceptance. It breathes softness into previous intolerance.
I also love how the universe sends messages to us. Through this conversation with a fellow mom, I not only realized that my child is deserving of a little grace, but so am I.
Ever since returning from South Africa, I have been in a bit of a funk. I’m frustrated at myself for overindulging and therefore coming home a little heavier than I left. I’m frustrated that my mood hasn’t been all that shiny. And I’m frustrated that, with all this frustration, so comes the negative self-talk and self-sabotaging habits that I work so hard at keeping under control.
The universe found a way to put the word “grace” into my head and heart. Not only for my daughter, but also for myself.
Where can you apply some grace?
We live in a world that is not easy to feel successful in. We are constantly being judged by the wrong qualities and measures. As a result, we are far too hard on ourselves. We live with an internal dialogue that is often far more critical than it is praising. We take stumbles to our core, attaching them to who we are so deeply, that they become our yardstick for whether or not we are a good person.
What would it be like if we gave ourselves a little bit of grace? Where instead of anger and unkind criticism, we met ourselves with light and acceptance.
Let me be clear… applying grace does not equate to complacency. It doesn’t mean that we do not care about doing well, improving, and growth. Rather, it is a way to contain our reactions to ourselves. It is struggling without self-loathing. It is breathing a softness into our experiences in a world that is not easy to live in.
Where in your life have you been undeservedly hard on yourself? Where in your life can you give yourself some grace?
With joy, and grace,
Tara
