I love mornings. Yes, I am one of those people who enjoys mornings more than night. I love the light, the fresh air, the alertness I feel. I am more productive in the morning, more motivated and inspired.
And then I had kids…
What used to be a time of easing into the day with reflective thought and structured activities, has become a time of loud, invasive, chaos.
We have one of those sleep training clocks that sings a very uplifting piece of music when it is time for my small humans to get up. While they are pretty good at abiding by that subtle “don’t you dare get up before I’m ready” device, when it does start its deceiving melody, it is all systems go.
Think, running on a treadmill, while trying to make coffee, and having someone throw marbles at your feet. Now add a tantrum, a poop, and a poke to the eye and you have something that resembles trying to get 2 kids under the age of 4 dressed and ready for the day.
This is not a parenting piece
While this is not a parenting piece, it is the parenting challenge that led me to the conclusion that the only way to survive these mornings is to make sure that I get some me-time before it all begins.
I started noticing a pattern: on the days that I managed to get up before my kids did and gave myself some time to breathe, prepare, and exist in quiet contemplation, I responded to said kids with far more patience and, quite frankly, joy.
The days where my child yelling at the top his lungs, “mom, I’m all done in the bed” served as my alarm, I responded with anger, irritation, and impatience. Clearly this is not the kind of parent I want to be and, more importantly, this is not the way I want to feel. I just don’t like being angry and irritable.
So I decided, flat out, that morning me-time was absolutely essential. Sleeping in for that extra hour is just not worth it. Period.
What my mornings look like
I typically get up about 60 – 90 minutes before my kids will. I put on some athleisure, drag my butt downstairs, and turn on the kettle. While the kettle is boiling, I will light a stick of incense, turn on the fire (in winter), and get my book ready – I have one of those daily-readings books.
After the tea is made, I settle on the couch and start with a moment of deliberate gratitude. Some days this comes naturally to me, other days my brain draws a blank after “I am grateful that I am alive today”. But I do it. I also ask God/ the universe, for a few things that are on my heart at the time – protection over a friend, comfort for the suffering, more podcast followers etc.
Then I read my daily reading. I have been reading the same book for a few years now. It is called Meditations from the Mat, by Rolf Gates, and is a daily reflective thought piece each day of the year. The readings are yoga philosophy concepts written with a very practical, relatable approach.
The next step in my morning is meditation. I use an app called Insight Timer, which I stay flexible with. Some days I simply sit in silence with it or a background sound of some kind. Other days I use one of their guided meditations. My go-to time is about 10 minutes as this is something that I am comfortable with.
Once all of this is done, I do whatever I like. Sometimes I just read, other times I journal, more often than not I roll out my mat and do some yoga, core, and stretching. I have even been known to bake. It really depends on how much time I have and what I am craving.
I should point out that I do not look at my phone until after my meditation. This is very important. As soon as you look at your phone, you are allowing the outside world in. I find it incredibly helpful to first approach my day from the inside out before I start reacting. Give yourself a moment to pause and sit with how you are experiencing yourself first, before you allow the external world to have its influence.
I allow work into my me-time only if it is something that is going to uplift and inspire me. If I am working on a project that I am particularly excited about, for example, I may dedicate time to it, after my meditation.
How to design your morning
So how do you go about creating your own morning?
- Experiment
Start experimenting with different things you could include. There is no wrong choice here. In time you will figure out what serves you best and how to get the most out of your time.
2. Include some kind of reflective time
This could be meditation, journaling, prayer, whatever. Just give yourself a few minutes to just be – as you are, on that day. What this does is you begin to notice the subtle differences between each day and offer yourself some grace on the days where you don’t feel your best. “Ok, it’s one of those days today. I’ve been here before and I am ok with it.”
3. Make the experience comfortable
No one wants to get out of their warm, cozy bed when what is waiting for them is something cold, dark, and uninviting. But, imagining the tea or coffee you’re going to drink, the warm fire you’ll put on, or the music you will play, makes it far more appealing.
4. Movement is helpful
If you can include some kind of movement, that is a big help. Yoga, stretching, go for a walk, dance. This connects you to your body, wakes you up, and sets a healthy trend for the rest of the day
5. Practice gratitude
Gratitude is something we all know we should, but often fail to do. So, why not just get it done first thing? If it becomes a habit in your morning, you will likely notice yourself finding things to be grateful for in other parts of your day as well. I do this simply in my head, but you could get a gratitude journal and write it all down.
6. Stay consistent with the time
Back and forth wake up times make it so much harder to get up on the early days. If you are consistent with your wake-up time (yes, even on weekends), you will soon enough notice that it gets easier and easier to get up. Your body will get used to it and you will probably start stirring before your alarm.
7. Give yourself a break
That being said, give yourself a break if you happen to give into temptation and roll over into sleep again. It happens. Chalk it up to part of the experiment, notice how it affected your morning, and try again tomorrow.
8. Try out some alarm tricks
For example, putting your phone on the other side of the room. I use an app that makes me solve 2 simple math problems in order to turn the alarm off. It gets my brain going, which makes it a little harder to go back to sleep again afterwards.
9. Get used to getting to bed earlier
It’s no surprise that in order to get up earlier, you will need to get to bed earlier. I am not ashamed to say that, if I am awake past 9pm, it is considered a late night. I love going to bed early, because I love my morning time. I know I will get the sleep I need, it cuts off my nighttime snacking habit, and I wake up feeling mentally alert, inspired, and ready.
10. Get a morning buddy
If you still need more reason to get up, find a morning buddy who is also wanting to take back their morning. Maybe you have to text each other when you’re up or you meet for coffee? Having a partner can be a real help, especially in the beginning.
Remember: There is no need to overcomplicate your mornings, just make it inviting and make it yours.
It has been a total game changer
Taking back my mornings has been a total game changer for me. There is a marked difference in my emotional wellbeing, my productivity, my health habits, and my overall feelings of joy and wellbeing. I am a better person, mom, and wife when I give myself time to begin each day the way that I choose.
And the best part? I really and truly love this time of the day now. In fact, it might be my favorite hour out of all of them spent awake.
With joy, Tara
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